Vegas
Work was cancelled Friday so I rolled to Vegas twenty deep in true D Dubs style. Our room was around 3,000 square feet with 6 bedrooms. We had a plasma TV, surround sound, the 49th and 50th floor of Caesar's Palace and the city of sin at our fingertips.
Mark Ronson was spinning at PURE on Friday night so we got a table. Well, we didn't actually get a table. We just reserved one. Apparently it is rather difficult to get 20 dudes into PURE Labor Day Weekend for free. 8 dudes is not an issue. 20 is. So we only got 8 dudes in. Once inside, we were told that we were on the waiting list for a table but if we agreed to buy 4 bottles, we could have a table immediately.
Let's see...I was already very drunk, as was my crew. So 4 bottles multiplied by $300 per bottle equals $1200. Add a 20% tip. Over $1400 for 8 people. Wasn't gonna happen.
I was about 99.9% parched when the VIP host was asking me if I wanted to get four bottles. I said "sir, do you mind if I get some water before we begin talking about this?" It seems he had never heard the words "parched" or "patience" before in his life because he immediately dismissed me and told me to have a good night.
Well shit. I just got 8 dudes into the hottest club in Vegas on Friday night Labor Day weekend without paying and without waiting in line, damn straight I was going to have a good night.
I ended up spending not one dime at PURE and instead wandering the club with my homies. One homie, who shall remain nameless did the following:
Upstairs on the roofdeck, he was walking by a cabana and purposely threw his drink on an unsuspecting girl. No more roof deck.
We were talking to a mother/daughter pair, locals, both with fake breasts. The daughter was cute but it looked like you could parallel park a Suburban between her two front teeth. The mother was actually cuter. My homie slapped her boob. She said "What the fuck do you think you are doing? That is a lawsuit." I said "_______, apologize immediately." I danced with the mom for a a few minutes while her daughter got assaulted by three brotrons. I didn't really have the patience for her so I left, but so began the cougar theme for the weekend.
(Don't know what a cougar is? http://www.dishmag.com/issue27/celebrity/cel103-p1.html)
I left the club around 1:30AM and the line looked like it wound around the inside of the casino. I went upstairs with said Homie and proceeded to pass out. Somehow I rallied and went back to the club. Still nothing. I just had no patience for anything at that point so I went back upstairs and went to sleep in my king sized canopy bed.
Stories from that night included Adam propositioning two women for sex in the casino at around 5AM. His game went as followed (in creepy, over relaxed, super drunk tone): "Hey, yo, it's 5Am...you know why we're both here...let's just do this...I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you." She proceeded to kick him. He fell off his chair. Adam responded with the backhand. Security. End of that. Mark fucked a milf. Apparently Adam got knowledge from two different girls; one was black. After that, Adam kept betting on black at the roulette wheel. "Hey, yo, after getting dome from that black girl, I've been betting on black and I keep winning, it's crazy."
Awoke around 11 on Saturday morning. SHIT! We had a cabana reserved for the day to the tune of $225. Had to get down to the pool. We opted not to take a cabana at the topless pool. I put a lot of thought into this decision. What sort of female would be hanging out at the topless pool at Caesars? If Caesars was actually in Rome, I think the answer would be "the kind of girl I would pay to see topless." But since Caesars is in Vegas, I surmised that there would be older voyeurs there. Not my speed.
We kicked it at the pool all day. Two fruit plates and the hottest cabana hostess. She was a 47 year old grandmother but was hotter than most girls I've seen my age. Said homie from before was not recovering well. He puked thrice behind the cabana. Like, projectile puking style. Levon and I did it up baller style at Nero's steak house then made our way out to Rain. It was so hard leaving out palatial hotel room but nobody was really bringing back females to kick it. So we rolled to Rain like 15 deep got to cut the line. We were chilling with Darius Miles and Emeka Okafor. I didn't really talk to them. Mark did. They seemed real down to earth. We went back around 3AM and tried to scoop some biddies. No nace. Ended up passing out around 5AM. Woke up at 12. Packed up. Headed to the airport. And like that, the weekend was over. We're gonna do it again New Year's, even bigger than this time.
Work was cancelled Friday so I rolled to Vegas twenty deep in true D Dubs style. Our room was around 3,000 square feet with 6 bedrooms. We had a plasma TV, surround sound, the 49th and 50th floor of Caesar's Palace and the city of sin at our fingertips.
Mark Ronson was spinning at PURE on Friday night so we got a table. Well, we didn't actually get a table. We just reserved one. Apparently it is rather difficult to get 20 dudes into PURE Labor Day Weekend for free. 8 dudes is not an issue. 20 is. So we only got 8 dudes in. Once inside, we were told that we were on the waiting list for a table but if we agreed to buy 4 bottles, we could have a table immediately.
Let's see...I was already very drunk, as was my crew. So 4 bottles multiplied by $300 per bottle equals $1200. Add a 20% tip. Over $1400 for 8 people. Wasn't gonna happen.
I was about 99.9% parched when the VIP host was asking me if I wanted to get four bottles. I said "sir, do you mind if I get some water before we begin talking about this?" It seems he had never heard the words "parched" or "patience" before in his life because he immediately dismissed me and told me to have a good night.
Well shit. I just got 8 dudes into the hottest club in Vegas on Friday night Labor Day weekend without paying and without waiting in line, damn straight I was going to have a good night.
I ended up spending not one dime at PURE and instead wandering the club with my homies. One homie, who shall remain nameless did the following:
Upstairs on the roofdeck, he was walking by a cabana and purposely threw his drink on an unsuspecting girl. No more roof deck.
We were talking to a mother/daughter pair, locals, both with fake breasts. The daughter was cute but it looked like you could parallel park a Suburban between her two front teeth. The mother was actually cuter. My homie slapped her boob. She said "What the fuck do you think you are doing? That is a lawsuit." I said "_______, apologize immediately." I danced with the mom for a a few minutes while her daughter got assaulted by three brotrons. I didn't really have the patience for her so I left, but so began the cougar theme for the weekend.
(Don't know what a cougar is? http://www.dishmag.com/issue27/celebrity/cel103-p1.html)
I left the club around 1:30AM and the line looked like it wound around the inside of the casino. I went upstairs with said Homie and proceeded to pass out. Somehow I rallied and went back to the club. Still nothing. I just had no patience for anything at that point so I went back upstairs and went to sleep in my king sized canopy bed.
Stories from that night included Adam propositioning two women for sex in the casino at around 5AM. His game went as followed (in creepy, over relaxed, super drunk tone): "Hey, yo, it's 5Am...you know why we're both here...let's just do this...I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you." She proceeded to kick him. He fell off his chair. Adam responded with the backhand. Security. End of that. Mark fucked a milf. Apparently Adam got knowledge from two different girls; one was black. After that, Adam kept betting on black at the roulette wheel. "Hey, yo, after getting dome from that black girl, I've been betting on black and I keep winning, it's crazy."
Awoke around 11 on Saturday morning. SHIT! We had a cabana reserved for the day to the tune of $225. Had to get down to the pool. We opted not to take a cabana at the topless pool. I put a lot of thought into this decision. What sort of female would be hanging out at the topless pool at Caesars? If Caesars was actually in Rome, I think the answer would be "the kind of girl I would pay to see topless." But since Caesars is in Vegas, I surmised that there would be older voyeurs there. Not my speed.
We kicked it at the pool all day. Two fruit plates and the hottest cabana hostess. She was a 47 year old grandmother but was hotter than most girls I've seen my age. Said homie from before was not recovering well. He puked thrice behind the cabana. Like, projectile puking style. Levon and I did it up baller style at Nero's steak house then made our way out to Rain. It was so hard leaving out palatial hotel room but nobody was really bringing back females to kick it. So we rolled to Rain like 15 deep got to cut the line. We were chilling with Darius Miles and Emeka Okafor. I didn't really talk to them. Mark did. They seemed real down to earth. We went back around 3AM and tried to scoop some biddies. No nace. Ended up passing out around 5AM. Woke up at 12. Packed up. Headed to the airport. And like that, the weekend was over. We're gonna do it again New Year's, even bigger than this time.
posted by D Dubs at 11:28 PM
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