LOVE IS A FORCE OF NATURE

I cannot wait to see BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. While in Boston, I went to the THE ICE HARVEST (mediocre) with Ruts, Goat, Conor and someone else I can't remember. I was hoping for a BROKEBACK preview so we could all enjoy it together (plus there were a few who hadn't seen the trailer yet).

It came on.

From the pretentious director who brought you SENSE AND SENSIBILITY, CROUCHING TIGER and THE HULK comes a love story that nobody gives a fuck about...

Title card: It was a friendship...
Title card: ...that became a secret.
Title card: There are places we can't return...
Title card: There are lies we have to tell...
Title card: There are truths we can't deny.

Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhal): It's nobody's business but ours.

---

Alma Beers Del Mar (Michelle Williams): You don't go up there to fish.

---

Jack Twist: I wish I knew how to quit you (said to Heath Ledger)

---

[from trailer]
Jack Twist: It could be like this - just like this - always.

---

[from trailer]
Ennis Del Mar: If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it.

---

[from trailer]
Joe Aguirre: You boys sure found a way to make the time pass up there.

---

[from trailer]
Jack Twist: You have no idea how bad it gets.

LOVE IS A FORCE OF NATURE

Cue low angle shot of Heath with fireworks exploding. Cue gay embrace. Cue shirt sniff. And scene.

If this isn't the greatest trailer ever made, I don't know what is. Seriously. The face that almost every shot is just Jake and Heath doing things together is hilarious: hunting, horseback riding, kissing, fishing, herding, fucking.


There were two gay men sitting in front of us at the theater. They didn't seem to find any of it funny. Our row back, thought it was hilarious. At the end, I initiated a round of applause. It was glorious.

www.brokebackmountain.com

WHEN HOMELESS MEN ATTACK

We were leaving the Foggy Goggle on Boylston at approximately 1:36AM. I was waiting for my friends so we could catch a cab. A toothless homeless woman asked me for money. I politely told her I had no cash. She insisted on at least some coinage. I told her I had nothing. She would not leave me alone and started cursing at me. I hurled some insults back. She retaliated. I then probably said something I shouldn't have said (I don't remember). She then turned and walked away. This should have been the first warning sign. I casually waited for my friends, was not paying attention and had let my guard down. Out of nowhere, a homeless man ran up and punched me on the left side of my face. The temp was around 36 degrees and I was cold. It was less of a punch and more of a close-fisted slap to the jaw. Regardless, he knocked my glasses off my face, over the cab and into the middle of Boylston St. Luckily, my homeboy Alex retrieved them before they were run over. Rather than chase after the bum. I turned to my friends, hysterically laughing, and asked "Did a homeless man really just punch me in the face?" I thought about retaliation, but if this man would assault me on pure hearsay from his homeless female friend, what would he do to me in a fight? Plus, I would have destroyed him, obviously, cuz I am a fucking bamf. Plus, who beats up a bum (besides another bum)?

Aside from scratched lenses, I came out unscathed and a better person.

I don't appreciate the reactions I've gotten. For some reason the homeless man is being interpreted as the victim in this situation. He was afforded an opportunity to let out years of socio-racial-economic angst against the "man" in the form of a punch directed toward me. I am left with scratched specs and a humiliating, albeit hilarious story, and yet people ask me "why was I fucking with a homeless man?" What is wrong with this picture?

My wallet was also lost. No credit card/bank card for 7-10 days. $20 for new license. $20 for new office key card. I will be eating Myoplex shakes for the next week.

RADIO SILENCE


Was home in Boston for the holiday. Didn't have a solid internet connection. Boy do I have a lot to tell.

SHOPGIRL sucked!!!!!!!!!


Saw SHOPGIRL with an intriguing girl I met at a Halloween party. Story at 11.

The new D Dubs



Week 2 of Body for Life has begun. Sunday was my "day off." I woke up at 10:30, having not gone out the night before. Instead of going out, my roommates and I played Stratego, watched Quantum Leap, watched MEMENTO and watched SUPER MARIO BROS. THE MOVIE.

I met two of Amber's best friends for brunch. We went to the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre for brunch. Now, before you knock it, listen. I read about it in Esquire. $20, all you can eat, bomb ass breakfast food in a nice, garden setting with live music. You can't beat that. Plus, while you are waiting, you get to read all about L. Ron Hubbard and Dianetics. Not one person bothered us and it was a great way to let loose on my day off.
http://www.celebritycentre.org/en_US/events/brunch/index.html

Went to see SHOPGIRL with Lalaine and Fan last night but it was sold out. So was DERAILED. The only option left was GET RICH OR DIE TRYING. We sat through ten minutes and decided we couldn't take anymore. We left and got our money back. The opening credits hadn't even finished.

FIRE...F-F-FIREMAN

I got off work a littl early yesterday to go see Broken Lizard's PUDDLE CRUISER. This is their first movie, from 1996, which they made 5 years before SUPER TROOPERS.

At the screening, a kid drank too much and started puking in the theater. He then passed out. At the end of the movie, the lights went up and four of the Lizards were there for a Q&A. The kid had passed out. Two of the Lizards went over and started drawing on his face. They went back to the Q& A. Then he started puking again. His friends were sitting in the 2nd row and totally left him out to dry. When asked, "Is anyone friends with that guy?" they reluctantly raised their hands and said, "Yeah...he's a little drunk, but he's actually a stud." Meanwhile, he has vomit caked on his lips and he looks dead.

I then got a text from roommate Brian that said "our block is on fire." Being the Ca$h Money fan that I am, I interpreted that to mean, in the words of Lil Wayne, that the block was hot. I texted him back "the block is hot? or the block is literally on fire." He wrote back "on fire."

On our way home, we were coming down Olympic and saw a ghetto bird (helicopter) above. Didn't see any smoke. Came around the corner and BAM. 18 fire trucks. Police cars. News vans. Craziness

Meanwhile, Levon had parked outside my apartment and his car was now boxed in by 3 firetrucks. Levon asked if he could move his car and a fireman asked, "What are you, brain damaged?"

I then watched the first episode of QUANTUM LEAP.

Weird night.


http://cbs2.com/local/local_story_315053724.html

BODY FOR LIFE

Started my new workout regimen and diet today. Got up at 6AM to go to the gym with Noah. 25lbs in 12 weeks.

Wish me luck.

www.bodyforlife.com

CUT OFF ZARE SUMBS!!

Mayor: Sever thumbs of graffiti artistsAssociated Press

RENO, Nev. - Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman has suggested that those who deface freeways with graffiti should have their thumbs cut off on television.
Goodman, appearing Wednesday on the "Nevada Newsmakers" television show, said, "In the old days in France, they had beheading of people who commit heinous crimes.
"You know, we have a beautiful highway landscaping redevelopment in our downtown. We have desert tortoises and beautiful paintings of flora and fauna. These punks come along and deface it.
"I'm saying maybe you put them on TV and cut off a thumb," the mayor added. "That may be the right thing to do."
Goodman also suggested that whippings or canings should be brought back for children who get into trouble.
"I also believe in a little bit of corporal punishment going back to the days of yore, where examples have to be shown," Goodman said.
"I'm dead serious," said Goodman, adding, "Some of these (children) don't learn. You have got to teach them a lesson, and this is coming from a criminal defense lawyer."
"They would get a trial first," he added.
Another panelist on the show, Howard Rosenberg, a state university system regent, responded by saying that cutting off the thumbs of taggers won't solve the problem and Goodman should "use his head for something other than a hat rack."

Seriously, this guy is a fucking idiot. If he's ever held a spraypaint can to deface something he would know that the index finger controls the flow and one could easily deface without a thumb.

Gallo Offers Sperm for Sale


An internet site is offering controversial film maker Vincent Gallo's sperm for sale for $1 million. VGMerchandise.com - which calls itself "the official website for Vincent Gallo merchandise" - includes a detailed agreement whereby wannabe mothers can pay for Gallo to inseminate them by in vitro fertilization (IVF) or even naturally for an extra $500,000, a fee it alleges he will waive if he deems the woman attractive enough. The site details the actor/director's physical attributes: "Mr. Gallo is 5 feet 11 inches and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy (eight inches if he's like his father)." It also recommends his sharp features would "blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female."

Right. Like ANYONE would ever wish any of his characteristics on their offspring except maybe Chloe Sevigny.

http://vgmerchandise.com/misc.html

OVERACHIEVEMENT

Got my high school alumni magazine today. Hilarious.

Here's what my class of 2000 has been up to:

Joshua Cohen lives in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, where he is teaching kids how to ski. (ski bum)

After graduating from Yale and Georgetown respectively, Molly Epstein and Rachel Feinberg moved to Manhattan, where they share a cozy (read: small) apartment on the Upper East Side. Rachel teaches third grade in the Bronx as a memeber of Teach for America and Molly is a gallery associate at a contemporary art gallery in Chelseas. They saw Lauren Sozio often and were sad when she left NYC to return to Boston. (pretentious and obviously living off their parents' money)

Matthew Heck is graduating from Oberlin in 2005 with a degree in musicology and a minor in history (obviously partied more than I did in college. Musicology? isn't that a Prince album? That's like saying I majored in Shockadelica).

And finally...me (check out the capture...didn't scan it...took a picture).

ISN'T IT IRONIC? Rainbow Warrior is mean!

Greenpeace to be fined as Rainbow Warrior damages Philippines coral reef

Mon Oct 31, 9:50 PM ET

Greenpeace is to be fined after its flagship Rainbow Warrior II damaged a coral reef in the central Philippines during a climate change awareness campaign, marine park rangers said.
The ship and its crew were assessed a 640,000-peso (11,600-dollar) fine after the 55-meter (180-foot) motor-assisted schooner ran aground at the Tubbataha Reef Marine Park on Monday, park manager Angelique Songco told AFP.
The ship's bow sliced through a reef formation measuring 160 square meters (1,722 square feet), she added.
A Greenpeace official in the Philippines described the incident as accidental, and said it would comply with the marine park authorities' ruling.
The Rainbow Warrior II arrived in the reservation in the middle of the Sulu Sea, about 600 kilometers (375 miles) south of Manila, last weekend as part of a four-month Asia-Pacific campaign to promote earth-friendly energy sources, said Greenpeace campaign manager Red Constantino.
He said the crew made dive sorties to inspect the effect of global warming on the coral formation, which is listed among the World Heritage sites of the UN Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization.
"The chart indicated we were a mile and a half" from the coral reef when the ship ran aground, Constantino told AFP. He said the August 2005 navigational map was provided by the mapping office of the Philippine government.
The ship's own rubber boats safely towed the Rainbow Warrior II into deeper water, and it escaped serious damage, an AFP photographer aboard the ship said.
Constantino said the ship was now heading back to the Puerto Princesa on the western island of Palawan to file an incident report with the marine park office.
Originally built in Britain in 1957 as a steam-powered fishing vessel, the Rainbow Warrior II replaced its namesake that was sunk by French agents in 1985 in Auckland harbor on its way to Moruroa Atoll to block a French nuclear test.
One crew member drowned and two French secret service agents were later jailed after pleading guilty to charges of manslaughter and wilful damage.
Constantino said that Greenpeace divers on the Tubbataha expedition had found that healthy coral and no evidence of bleaching, believed to be caused by warming sea temperatures.
Constantino said the healthy state of the Tubbataha Reefs did not disprove the theory of global warming, which he described as an "extremely complicated science."

QUITE POSSIBLY THE FUNNIEST STUPID INTERNET CLIP I'VE EVER SEEN


http://www.blennus.com/video/catandfence.wmv



This is right up there with the Letterman poop monkey from senior year in high school.

PICS ARE UP!!!!!

Featuring:
Fo as Hollywood Buzz Lightyear (hasn't worked in 5 years...couldn't get that cameo in FINDING NEMO)

Kevdawg as Dr. Tobias Funke

D Dubs as Patrick Bateman (murders and executions)


http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8YaNWjZk4YdM